Keeping Your Marriage Strong

Most people know that to cheat on your husband and wife is considered a sin from the theological viewpoint. However, it really goes a lot deeper than that. According to Jesus, infidelity starts long before any physical act, and is not just limited to the physical act. Moreover, his standards on fidelity set the bar a lot higher than just not cheating on your husband or wife.

I’ll explain. During his time on earth, Jesus went to great effort to convince people that being a true Christian was more than just following a set of rules. This is evident in almost everything he said, but I’ll use as an example these excerpts from his famous Sermon on the Mount:

“You heard that it was said to those of ancient times, ‘you must not murder; but whoever commits a murder will be accountable to the court of justice.’ However I say to you that everyone who continues wrathful with his brother will be accountable to the court of justice…” (Matt 5:21-22)

The principle here is that Christians need to condition their hearts before any event potentially leading to sin ever comes along- they must work on shedding any anger or hatred that they harbor and develop peace and love within their hearts. This way, at times of trial, they will avoid sin because their deeply held beliefs have changed them from the inside out- not because they’ve successfully followed the “rules” by suppressing the murderous impulses in their heart.

Likewise, in verse 27:

“You heard that it was said, ‘You must not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone that keeps on looking at a woman so as to have a passion for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

So, we can learn from these passages that what Jesus demands of something more- true, heartfelt fidelity and restraint. Imagine how great a marriage could be where both parties literally only had eyes for one another, never allowing themselves to look outside of the marriage long enough to fall into an emotional or physical affair.

To some whose relationship has fallen on hard times, this may seem like a daunting standard. However, the Bible provides us with the solid principles we need to make this state of heartfelt fidelity a reality. This will be the subject of our next post.

11 Comments

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11 Responses to Keeping Your Marriage Strong

  1. dieta

    My wife had an affair over twenty years ago. We remained together, raised one daughter, but its been very difficult. I can’t quit thinking about it. Since the affair, my wife has wanted very little to do with me. I always seem to be less important than what she thinks needs to be done such as chores around the house, going and getting a coffee that seems to take hours for her to accomplish. I know that I am tired of feeling the pain of what happened years ago. We have few good days together. After all this time, I feel like I want to move on and try to find love. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if it is right to leave since her affair happened 20 years ago. Just this last fall (200 she would sometimes leave for work earlier than she normally did. She would leave at 4 am and not get back home from work until around 7:30 pm. This was the same pattern she had done before when she had her affair. I am thinking that she may have done it again. I got up the nerve to confront her about it and naturally she denied it. I don’t know what to do. The religion that I belong to will only allow divorce for infidelity. Like I mentioned it has been 20 years since her affair, that I can affirm happened. I know that I have been lonely and dealt with the feeling of not being wanted everyday since. The few good days we have together anymore, to me, just isn’t worth the effort anymore. I just feel like I want to move on to find love but I don’t know if I am allowed to because of my religion.

    • admin

      Dear Dieta, sorry to hear of your pain. Obviously I don’t know what religion you belong to, but I can say that from a biblical perspective, adultery is the one grounds a married person does have for a legitimate divorce in God’s eyes. Read Matthew chapter 19, you need the context to understand verse 9 properly, but Jesus says “whoever divorces his wife, except on the grounds of fornication, and marries another commits adultery.” Adultery is seen as breaking the sacred marriage arrangement that marriage partners enter into before God. If she is having another affair, well, only you can decide what to do about that, but the bible does clearly give you the option for divorce in this case.

      You may be right in thinking that an affair from 20 years ago may not be something to end a marriage over, as you have presumably forgiven her and resumed your relationship as a married couple. Perhaps it would be wise to get some counseling to deal with your sense of betrayal and grief, and to help rebuild your relationship with your wife. It may be that she is doing nothing wrong but you have simply grown apart, which counseling and talking openly together may help with. Tell her what you are feeling and what you need, you may be surprised to hear her say a similar thing.

    • Ivan

      I’ve said some really mean and hurtful things to my girlfriend. I even accused her of cheating and told her I wanted to get a DNA test on the baby. My girl is not the kind to cheat either, she is a great and good girl. Very responsible, serious, respectful, beautiful, the perfect package. Anyways we had a long talk about why I didn’t trust her. I really did trust her, its just that I was mad about other stuff and for some reason I don’t know how to express how I am feeling so I just get mad about other stuff. I took my anger out on her. I know how wrong and despicable I am because I needed to be more considerate of her because she is pregnant and very sensitive at this time. Treating her this way can be very dangerous.Anyways on the day after, she told me about how she cried all night and the she didn’t want to be with me anymore. I begged her to take me back like a pathetic fool and she kept saying no. I told her to tell me that she doesn’t love me anymore and I would leave her alone and she said no because she still does love me and she can’t tell me a lie about how she feels. She said that she would take me back if we kept our relationship a secret and I said no because that made me feel like she was ashamed of me. She then told me that she needed time. I called her that night and she told the same things. Anyways I sent her a week of teddy bears with roses and very nice chocolates and apologetic love letters. On about the third day she got online and I talked to her and she said that everything was very nice and that she liked but she can’t take me back because she would feel like a dumbass and that her family would talk sh*t about her because they found out about the situation. I kept begging her and she kept saying no and she said she is never going to forgive and never going to take me back. I told her that I had changed for real and that my eyes were open and things would be different but she won’t believe me because I have made this promise before. I kept pleading with her and she told me that I was driving her nuts, that she made her myspace again (she deleted it before because we would get mad about each others myspace, this will have significance later)to leave her alone, and to never speak to her again.On the fifth and final day of gifts, which was a plush sad sam puppy stuffed animal with roses and a sad note, I told her brother (who has been helping me out the whole time) to tell his sister to get online so I could tell her something important and real short and that it would not make her mad. She got on and I told her that I agreed with her decision to end our relationship. She asked me why and I told her that I understood that this is what she wanted and I have to respect that. I apologized to her for bothering her and acting so crazy after the break up. I told her that I didn’t wanted to be friends with her and that to not worry about the kid that I am going to support it no matter what and that if she ever needed help with anything that I would have her back no matter what. She said thank you that is what I want. She said that she doesn’t know if we going to be in the future together and I was like ok that’s cool not really showing interest and I told her goodbye and take care and signed off right away. After I signed off she said goodbye take care like two minutes after I signed off, meaning I think she kept looking at the screen thinking about it. Anyways, I prayed to God after that and i asked him to help me out with this problem with my girl.The strangest thing happened later that night. She called me really late at night and when my mom gave me the phone I said hey how are you? she said good and I said good and immediately she said Jayson I love you I still love you alot. I couldn’t hold my feelings for her and I told her that I love her too. She thanked me for all the gifts she had been receiving and said she really loved the sad sam puppy that she received. I couldn’t hold back and told her that I still wanted to be with her and that I wanted to have a family with her. I told her I wanted to take care of her and our child. I apologized and I said that I really am I apologized and I said that I really am changed and that if she gave me another chance that I could make her happy. She told me she wants to be with me and that she doesn’t want anyone else. I kept apologizing and I told her that what really hurt me the most was not that she left but that I hurt her and that the one thing in the world that makes me feel good is when I know that she is smiling and feeling good because of something that I did to or for her. I told her that it wasn’t that I needed her but that I wanted her. We talked for like an hour and I know this is a mistake but I love her and she has my child I can’t play these break up games with this girl because the stakes are so much higher. Well we talked on the phone for like an hour and we just kept telling each other about how we miss each other and love each other and want to be with each other and telling each other about what has been happening in our lives this week. I asked her if her myspace said she was single and she said no that she didn’t want to change it. That the only reason why she put it back up was to check for messages from friends and family. She asked me why I deleted mine and I told her that I did so because it was distracting me from doing what I need to be doing and from my training by the way I forgot to mention that I am going to marines bootcamp in like three weeks. She said that she would really think about getting back with me this time and that she was really considering it, but she doesn’t want what has already happened to happen again. She just doesn’t want to get hurt again. I am really hoping we get back together.Do you think that we are going to get back together? What should I do in the meantime? Do I call her and leave her messages telling her how much I love her or do I leave her alone and give her time to think and some space? Did I give in too easy when she called me? I’m so confused right now and I’m scared of losing her. Please, any advice or opinions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you ladies.

  2. alleyan

    Here a ton of information here. Thanks! I’ll be back for more

    • Rohith

      I filed for divorce after I caught my wife having affairs on the computer ?I caught my soon to be ex wife emailing naked pictures to some guy named Josh so I decided to divorce her. She engages in a lot of activity on the computer with a lot of guys. Her affair with Josh lasted three years. She has a Flickr account and she posts pictures of herself there some naked some in her underwear these pictures attract a lot of men. She seems to like the comments that these men make about her. MY QUESTION is this: My wife also posts identifiable pictures of our five year old daughter on the same flickr site or photostream. The pictures of my little girl are often favorited by guys who seem to favorite lots of pictures of little girls or little kids. My wifes risque pictures are bookmarked or favorited a lot by guys. It kind of creeps me out. Some of these guys really seem like pervs and I don’t like the fact that they’re saving pictures of my five year old daughter. It’s ok for my wife to post whatever pictures she wants clothed or otherwise she’s an adult but I don’t want her posting pictures of our daughter on there too. Especially ones of her face. I’ve told her how I feel about this and she won’t even respond. I’ve asked her to make the pictures of our child private or remove them all together and she just won’t. Has anyone else gone through anything like this? How can I get her to stop her public posting of pictures of our child on flickr?

  3. Tepp

    Good and in depth article but full of useful information

    • Ameur

      Do i have a moral right to inspect my wifes phone records as i have caught her flirting with at least 10 men?My wifes very good looking, with an average figure, dresses really well, so men do notice her, and she loves it. But she gets drunk and flirts, or drops her cleavage, or allows men to hit on her, and has been seen in public by most of my friends and their wives or my sister’s friends as behaving in a shameless manner. She has a history of having sent / received text messages, ( 30 sms in an hour ) telephone calls ( local and international lots and lots) / emails, vulgar jokes ( about extra marital affairs and mens ‘lengths’) at all times through the day, a large amount of these disturbing connections are from 11 am to 2 am when you wont expect a respectable woman to be flirting with men. Lots of men like to discuss her, recently i was told that one guy was saying that xxx’s wife is very hot, i think she likes me, because she flirts with me. My wife has a tendency to get drawn to the fancy, rich, party kind of casanovas, who generally are also on the lookout for women who seem available. I dont know weather its an ego boosting thing , or emotional affairs, or even a physical affair, she keeps everything hidden from me, and i get to know about her antics from friends, or when i secretly removed her phone records, or from a hacker who i told to hack into this other guys office server , whom i suspected, and i was proved right. Whats wrong with her is that we dont have a very good relationship anymore after 13 years of marriage, I guess i have not been a very good husband, she is depressed and under medication, she is an attention seeker, her younger sister (believe it or not) is much worse than her, her father committed suicide, she goes to seances and invites ghosts and gods who advise her. Of her 5 girl advisers one is 45 and frustrated with numerous failed relationships, another not getting married because of a bad reputation, another is mocked in public because shes married to a loser who lives in her house, another is a swinger who is ok with her husband doing anything and the last one is into all kind of superstition and spiritual activities. Importantly, I am not rich enough to buy her the huge luxuries , brands, foreign holidays which she aspires for. Another problem is that her family indulges her as a depressed attention seeker who needs medication and rest and tells me to have patience. i still want this marriage to work for a few years as i have to daughters (aged 11 and 7) and both are in turmoil, and i know that a divorce will wreck them irreparably. Now all i tell her is that lets start fresh, you stop flirting with men, tell me what you want from me, and why dont you keep your passwords and phone records open. She refuses and tells me that i am a control freak and morally wrong. Sticky situation, im not feeling sorry for myself, but after a year of this constant sh*t, i find some part of it funny. Yet this cant go on so as a first step if i were to insist on transparency, would you agree?

      • admin

        Absolutely. Even very damaged relationships can be repaired if both partners are willing to commit to total honesty and communication. Everyone has a right to keep some things private; your wife may feel that opening her phone records to you is a breach of her personal rights, but she has to recognize that she has given you reason to feel insecure, and if she wants to help heal your marriage she now has to give you reason to feel confident in her again.

        What does everyone else think?

  4. Valentine

    Thank you for taking the time to write about these issues.

  5. Britt

    I like the valuable advice you deliver in your posts.